Every year without fail, as soon as the weather cools down so do I. Towards life. And socialising. And hygiene and general self respect. I also start hating my life. My hair. My friends. My shoes. I'm a miserable wreck that doesn't want to leave the house until thongs are once again wearable. This year my annual hibernation has started early, Autumn and I feel my once booze fuelled wanna be glamour sun kissed fabulous Sydney life has turned into one long snacking tv session in bed. No wait, its doesn't feel like it, it has. Last weekend I spent 28 hours straight horizontal in bed, minus the 20 mins I ate a mexican themed meal at my local junkie favoured food emporium, 2.5 mins trying to get clearer reception whilst watching Customs and 1 trip downstairs to go the toilet. ONE TRIP. In 28 hours I urinated once and the only liquid I ate was the juice of melted sour cream and my own saliva. WTF?? Any way I digress. There is nothing witty or clever or cool I can offer you or anyone for that matter. Until winter is over, I've shed my skin and the snow has melted I am a boring waste of space. My top priority's right now are planning different meals to involve Stagg Chilli, downloading Rod Stewart albums, dissecting the lives and relationships of revolting MTV American reality stars like they are my real friends (ok so they sort of are) finding things to blow my nose on in my room, having sexy dreams about Ari Gold, planning Rachel Zoe's TayTay inspired outfits for events that don't exist and having anxiety attacks about what I'm going to watch once I've finished Modern Family. So lacklustre is my soul that I neglected my strict fake tanning regime. No one see's your tan in a dark room, but only the silver glint of an empty Dorito's bag and the warm glow of Window's Media Player. So friends, if you do decide to stick the next few months out with me I can't promise it will be interesting or inspiring. But I do promise whats hot in American Sitcom, 10 easy snacks using mayonnaise and frozen garlic bread and how to clean your sheets without washing them (pssst here's a hint, turn them inside out)
What will get me out of the slovenly mind-numbing funk I'm in? I'm hoping Series 7 of the Hills
You know you love me xoxo
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